Manual dos machões

Algumas regras básicas que todos os homens devem seguir para se tornarem bons exemplos da nossa espécie.

  1. Puxar o catarro da alma, a qualquer momento. O catarro de um macho de verdade deve ter consistência, ser espesso e verde;
  2. Coçar-se no meio das pernas periodicamente, e ter certeza que os outros sabem que você coçou;
  3. Usar palavrão sempre que for desnecessário;
  4. Jamais use plural em substantivos. Ex: um real, dez real.
  5. Não deixe que ninguém veja você bebendo leite (ou Fanta, principalmente Fanta Uva). Caso isso aconteça, você pensou que fosse caninha.
  6. Sente de pernas abertas. Tenha orgulho do que Deus lhe deu;
  7. O sentido da vida está em provar a virilidade;
  8. Pense duas vezes antes de fazer qualquer coisa. Uma com cada cabeça;
  9. Use sempre camisa regata ao voltar da academia de ônibus;
  10. Leia apenas o caderno de esportes e queime o resto do jornal. Se você tocar no suplemento feminino, mesmo que acidentalmente, será amaldiçoado;
  11. Se você estiver no shopping e passar em frente a uma TV que transmite futebol, pare tudo, cruze os braços, incline a cabeça para trás. Comente os lances importantes com quem estiver ao seu lado ” Puta, que bolão!!!”. Xingue o Luxemburgo, fale da mãe do juiz, faça comentários maldosos sobre as irmãs dos jogadores e vá embora.
  12. Seu carro é mais importante que a sua mulher;
  13. Coce o nariz em público. Se nao tiver ninguém por perto, espere alguém chegar;
  14. Procure saber o nome de todos que trabalham no boteco, isso dá moral;
  15. Tenha certeza de que o começo de sua bunda esteja visível ao alcance de todos;
  16. Se você vir outro de sua espécie, arrote para delimitar seu território;
  17. Tenha sempre a unha do dedinho mínimo grande para poder limpar a orelha e o nariz na hora em que voce achar que estam sujos ou tiver alguém vendo. O que acontecer primeiro

Lemp

Lemp é o criador e editor chefe do blog Coisas de Homem. É blogueiro por diversão e profissão desde meados do ano de 1300.

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